Monthly Archives: June 2013

FALLING ON KNEES. AGAIN. AGAIN. AGAIN

My dear Acheing,

My dear cousin, daughter to my aunty…niece of my mama.

I want you to know…

We still talk about you…always. Every gathering.

We still feel your presence, long after you left us.

The words…the feelings, the tears, your absence,

All combined in one emotional mix…

They gush out like something  in  a rush, something urgent, something that needs to be released.

So dark. So dreary. So dramatic.

My sister still cries when she talks about you, her tears still spill when she talks about you.

They empty out, and when we think she is done, they fill back in, like a form of tragic cycle.

There are so many things that we long to tell you dearie…so many things that have happened.

For instance, I wish I could call you and tell you that you took a rope and hung yourself in your mother’s compound. I wish I could tell you just how many lives you altered with that final stroke of action. I wish I could tell you how  your mother wailed in confusion as she tried to come into terms with what you had done. I wish I could tell you how sorry I am, how bad I feel that nobody saw the signs. I wish I could tell you that you should have hanged on and seen how beautifully the sun beams when the cloud has passed.

Cousin dearest…I remember everything about your funeral. How the brown casket was lowered into the monstrous hole, how a young life was buried into the depths of this earth, how dreams, ambitions and so much was interrupted by depression…

I remember everything. I remember nothing.

Just emotions, rising and falling and evaporating into my entire being…

I remember tears. Of me. Of your family.

So much is lost after that. Just heavy silence punctuated by sobs and questions of
“What could have made a 19 year old girl with so much ahead of her to terminate her life, to take a rope and end it…”
Sometimes I feel its selfishness. And such times I get confused and angry, and I get a distant rage rising inside me. Did you even think? Of the many broken hearts that you would leave behind?
Of the mother who will spend each day painfully trying to make sense of what you did? Every day, feeling like she failed as a mother?
Of the friends you left without an explanation, so they spend each day trying to speculate and fit the pieces…and come to terms…
So I feel angry.

Then there are times that I feel completely sorry for you Achibo…I feel so sorry, because you must have gone through so much inner turmoil. You must have been so empty, so torn, so conflicted. You must have lost a huuuuge part of you down here before you took that rope and fixed your neck in it.

There is so much I want to tell you…yet you are so far gone.

I want to tell you that days are merging into months. We still think about you. Your grave is still a bit raised, the soil is beginning to level out. People still cry. Your name is still whispered, people are still trying to come into terms…
And the sun?
It still rises.
I wish you would have stayed to see that calmness still comes after a heavy storm.

There is a void where you used to be.

Darkness still decends, blackness still lands, we still miss you, like today, I thought about you and I missed you. Sorrow still lurks, flowing like a cloaked devil.

So we surrender.

We go to our knees, we fall down to all the rugged places, the weight of the pain forces us to bow…

We weep out those wordless sorrowful prayers…string by string…string by string…woven by our tears.

We still go on our knees Achieng. We still pray…
When there is nothing else we can do….

Rockablast sweetheart…gone. Remembered. Always.

miss u

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Categories: Uncategorized | 5 Comments

ATTRACTION REVOLUTION

A new order is  descending…

Things are moving at a fast rate and those who haven’t noticed are being left so far behind. When it comes to the ultimate attraction, both men and women are beginning to look for something deeper, something that is beyond the physical attraction, and they are asking for something more.

Time is changing ma’. It is no longer about gawking at an ass or the rack. An evolution is taking place  – it has stopped being about the biceps and what used to be the definition of beauty.

beauty

 

It is now about someone who can fuse a conversation, someone who can attract your mind and capture it, someone who can tell a story that is worthwhile, fascinating, stimulating…someone who can make you smile, someone who can make you ponder, who can make you nod and say: “Wow, I have never known that, I have never thought about it that way…”

Attraction is beginning to happen in the inside…moving from focusing so much o n the outside, on the curves, on the hair, on the teeth, on the luscious lips…no, attraction is beginning to happen in the mind people.

mental

 

Men are also in the pursuit of women who have some intellect, women who know the direction they want their lives to take, women who have set a bar on themselves, women with standards, women who will not fail to stop a man and tell him to get his shit together. Women who will not tolerate oppression …sexy is being redefined people. It has stopped being about the rack, the boobie, the ass, the skinny the curvy…the stacked. No. ma’…sexy is now coming from the mind, the charm, the intellect. It is now in the head…woah!

The focus is now on beyond…it is now on character, principles, its about self awareness

People are progressing…

No, don’t get me wrong, it is not about discussing global warming, it is not about googling stuff about geology and stock exchange to appear smart and slither into the hearts of others.

No. no. no.

It is about choices. It is about knowing a little bit of what is going on in the world, it is about showing some compassion. It is about discarding the belief that you are the shit, that you are the only thing that matters in this world. It is about listening while someone is talking, it is about being cultured, the ability to blend with different people from different backgrounds and upbringing…it is knowing how to handle conflict, it is retracting when need be, sometimes it is about putting the thoughts and feelings of others first, it is general awareness.

 

intelligent

 

It is about making initiative, grab a book once in a while, research some stuff just so that you are on the loop, respect yourself, know your self worth, love yourself beyond the physical

Oh! It is a combination of so many things. It is nourishing your brain everyday, challenging yourself to be better…building your self esteem, identifying a mentor,  knowing your worth that is beneath the surface, and spurring yourself to reach higher. It is about believing in yourself…oh my…

An intelligent mind can give someone an orgasm without the physical meeting. People are now searching for that person who will sex their minds through and through. Someone who is confident.  Someone who talks to you, challenges you, makes you think and squirm in your seat. Someone who can make you laugh, someone with self assurance. Wololo!

Yes, the rules are changing…attraction is moving into something deeper…get into the system.

xxxo

 

Categories: Uncategorized | 12 Comments

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