Monthly Archives: May 2013

DEFINING FAMILY- LOVE. LOVE. LOVE

Dedicated to my siblings who helped me weave together every memory of my childhood.

 Sweethearts, nothing could ever replace the memories of us growing up together and the magic of the many trips we took to the fetch water, and how we lined up balancing jerry cans on our heads, oblivious of what tomorrow holds, and those many nights where we sat down and made silent wishes on how we wished the future would form.
Love you
.

In this post today, I will attempt to define family, and I am well aware that family is the hardest thing to define, because it is as broad as it is thin. So, I will get straight to it and give it the basest definition I could find.

 

family 3

 

Family is a history; it is a group of people who have shared a womb, who have shared a past, a belief, an upbringing. Family  is a creation of memories, woven together, with one day merging into the other, then the next one, into years…it is to let  a person  be, to accept who they are, to nudge them towards the direction of their dreams, to stand on the lane and cheer them on as they take a leap in life, to shape them and point out when they go off the track.  Family is people who have an experience that is etched so deep inside them that not even time can erase them.  Family is INDELIBLE.

indelible

 

Family is a people with a secret, with an experience that cannot be spilled out of the comfort of a confined home. It is to know someone’s stained past, areas where they went really off the mark, it is protecting a sibling, a parent…it is acknowledging that people mess up.  It is messing up and being sure that the people around you will not drag your name in filth, it is going so much off course and knowing that when you return, there will be people to welcome you. Family is the knowledge that there is someone who cares so deeply about you, that they are willing to give you their blood if need be. That there is someone who will fall on her knees and pray for you when cancer enters your body and threatens to cut out your breath, it is lighting up a candle and surrendering on your knees when one of you is too sick to function. It is a hug, an embrace, a word of consolation, a text when the darkness descends on the other.   It is a people who have gone through difficult times together, held onto each other, and crossed over together…it is people who have shed tears for the same reason, for the death of a member, for the illness of another, for the misery of the other…it is a people who have congregated to celebrate the success of another, a graduation, a wedding, a birthday…family is UNITY.

unity

Family is people with the same gene, sometimes the same defect. It apology. It is returning home to your mother, it is returning home to your father after wandering around seeking for something you aren’t even sure of. It is telling them that you are sorry for the pains that you caused them when you were growing up, it is taming your rebellion and realizing that the pain that you have caused your family is greater than the hedonism that you are in pursuit of. It is remembering where you came from and always going back to your roots. It is growing up, but never taking off. Family is IMMORTAL.

 immortal

Family is the people who will take you back when the whole world rejects you. It is they that will visit you in prison when you are paying for the wages of your actions. It is the people who will line up for a test when you need a kidney transplant. Family is they that will dig into their pockets and sacrifice a bigger part of their savings to ensure that you get treatment. They are the ones who will stay at your bedside and hold your hand when uncertainty looms over you. They are the ones who will stay with you from dawn till dusk to see and watch every breath that you take.  Family is the one that welcomes you home and tries to integrate you  when things start to get shaky, when your marriage is not working, when the job has ended, when life has happened…family is a RESPONSIBILITY.

respon

 

Family is the one that carries your casket and lay down your coffin into the monstrous hole when your time on this earth is done, when your walk here is finished. It is family that carries you to that place even when friends or those you thought were friends abandon you. Family will be there. At least I know that my family will be…

And I know that I will be there for my family, because I cannot explain in words – ahhhh no words are adequate in explaining what family means.

 

 

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Categories: Uncategorized | 3 Comments

I WONDER WHY…

  1. Why is it always so hard for us as humans, to fully appreciate someone who is better than us in some area, you know, to just accept and say: “whooah, you are really good at what you do…you really write well, you really know how to draw, you make awesome jewellery, you are a good public speaker…”  Why cant we train ourselves, even once, to appreciate someone and give them a little bit of support. Instead, when we see someone doing something beautiful, we are the first ones to inject negative comments in them, we dig deep and try to find faults in what they do, and if we cant, we make up lies and assumptions that would make them appear less…we distance ourselves from them when we see that they have a good thing going. What ails us as humans? Is it jealousy? Is it low self esteem? Is it stupidity?  I am not sure, but I really wanna know….

jealousy

2.Why is it that we find it so hard to apologize when we wrong someone. Why do we feel so big? So damn special, that we cannot approach someone who we have wronged and say: “hey, I messed up, what I did was wrong..lets start over…forgive me. I am sorry…I know, what I did wasn’t right…

Why cant we even once go down and lose the ego battle? Why do we protect our pride so much and in the process lose our honor? Why? I donno…maybe it’s a human thing.

 

sorry

3. Why do we make so much judgments about people we know very little about? Why do we find it so easy to conclude so much negative things about someone we barely know. Why do we teach our hearts so much hate, so much negativity, so much jealousy, yet it benefits us in no way…or perhaps it does, it makes us feel  bigger, it makes us feel that we are doing better than others, but I say, if all you ever do is to put people down in order to feel better, then you have far deeper issues that you should be working on my dear. Deeper than you can imagine.

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4.Why do we make it our concern to try and figure out people’s lives? Why do we concentrate so much on what other people might be doing, what could be in their lives, their secrets, what keeps them moving. We do it so much till we forget ourselves in the process. We do it so passionately till we lose part of our sanity. Yet our own lives is in ruins, yet we have our own mountains that block us. Is it because we are too cowardly  to confront our  own inadequacies, that it then pushes us to focus on others,  to get a small moment of satisfaction?

nosey

 

5.Why do we fiercely chase things that don’t matter? Why do we put so much energy into fighting things that don’t matter, we get into a battle field and fight for something that doesn’t add anything into our life. Why don’t we just learn how to choose the battles that are worth fighting for and those that add value to our lives, those that will make us feel better?

turmoil

Categories: Uncategorized | 5 Comments

SINNING, LUXURIA AND ALL…

They are known as the cardinal sins. . .

The seven deadly sins…

*Yes, I am speaking to you sinner.*

By elaborate definitions, these were used to cluster the largest of the early Christian ‘No-nos”

They were viewed as the capital vices.

Yes, men have fallen- they have sinned…

But there were these sins, the seven fierce transgressions that were widely recognized as the ‘mortal sins’. They couldn’t be forgiven these ones….unless you performed a deed of perfect contrition.

The sins were:

Superbia. . . .pride

Inavida. . .envy

Gula. . .gluttony

Ira. . .wrath

Acedia. . .laziness

 Avarita…greed

Luxuria. . .LUST. . .

sin

Lust. . . yah, lets talk about lust…

It can be defined as the uncontrollable urge to have sexual desire…like a mighty sea bursting out its bank.

 Uncontrollable. Unreasonable. Untamed. Uncouthed.

Yah, lust…

An addiction. A compultion. A disorder perhaps?

Lets bring it down to the shallowest of definitions, haven’t you ever met someone, and the first thought you got was:
“heeeey, come to mama….I could totally eat you up.”

lust

Seriously.

You have to admit there are so many yummy human being walking on this earth. I mean, isn’t it so hard to see a hard barrel chested creation of God walking around shirtless and stop yourself from  wishing you could just grab him and do BAD BAD stuff with him?

 There are sensually delicious men that catch our eyes sometimes and trigger the untamed animal instincts in us. You know, men who have bodies that can charm, or confidence that melts you and makes you blush, or  sexual wildness that just knocks you off your feet? How is one supposed to be unmoved, at least just by a thought, when God’s beautiful creation struts in front of you and casts you a side glance.

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Ayaye!

Is there anyone who is too holy to not enjoy, even for the tiniest fraction of a millisecond – oh the cold it sends down our entire being, when you see a man with the most kissable lips?  How can you ladies not feel a  kind of visceral reaction when you see the tanned, excellently formed body of some anonymous person going about his activities in this city?

Hehehe…

If you are someone like me, you secretly enjoy those moments and leave it at that. I mean, so there is a beach boy running around the pristine white beaches of the coast, his body looking like Zeus or some form of a god of the past…

Well, I admire, I smile and I do nothing about it.

Yes, I get a tinge of lust (If that is even a thing) but I do nothing bout it. I don’t chase it further. I just admire, and appreciate…for a pleasurable tiny amount of time. I want, but just briefly, and the moment fades away….

boris_kojoe

If you’re me, you just enjoy the moment and leave it where it is. I mean, yes. . .I’m feeling lust. . .but I don’t do anything about it.. I just admire, I appreciate. . .and for pleasurable little second, I want.

But for a fleeting moment only.

Is that  a sin?

My Christian friends, tell me, is it a sin to admire something so dangerously delicious?

               

I mean, I am so aware that lust is a sin, that to look at someone and get your thoughts straying is kinda wrong, but sometimes…

Things just sneak up on you and whisper in your mind:
“ He is so hoooot….”

Is that voice the one punching our tickets to hell’s fire and gnashing of teeth?

 Is it a sin to lust and lust alone or is it a sin to ACT upon the lust?

waiter

My lustful thoughts  just pop in and out of nowhere and ambush me when I am sio defenseless, I am inclined to believe that it is the latter that comprises the architecture of the sin of luxuria.

I think the sin is to act on it…

I think the sin would be to make that conscious choice of turning your back on a boyfriend, a lover, a partner…to pursue something that may, or may not subdue the heated longing…to throw yourself beneath a body that  you shouldn’t…to immerse yourself too much into the moment that you forget that real life waits  … That is to say – to actually make the effort to go after the object of your lusty desire disregarding the consequences, the feelings of others. . .that has to be the sin. The action, not the feeling.

Sindio?

Ama?

 

If not. . .I am so totally going to hell  because my body reacts so violently when I watch soul food.

 

 luxuria

Categories: I AM | Leave a comment

LADIES, LETS TALK, SHALL WE?

Having been in a relationship, having heard other women who have been in relationships talk about what they have done in their relationships, and what has been handed to them in return, I think it is about time we had some form of rules on what should be done, and what shouldn’t.

Ladies, we need to talk, shall we? Here are the rules, written down for your reference.

 

1.      Never compromise on how you want to be treated. Yes, you are the one who has the bar, you are the one who sets it, and you are the only one who can determine how people treat you, and how long you will let them treat you the way that they do. I say, from the start, ensure that your partner is aware of your values, your beliefs, your dreams…and ensure that they know where you have placed your bar, such that if they cant fit, they take a walk.

 

2.      Never be the one who is always making the first attempts at communicating. Eish, you are the first one to wish him a good morning and the only one who initiates a conversation, chat, email…No! Relax sweety. You are the one flooding his wall and inbox with tiny love hearts and declaring for all how you love him/ You are the one updating about how you got a god thing going, while he is silent from his side. This is the thing dearest, if he was thinking about you like you are thinking about him, he would make an attempt to initiate conversations.

text

 

3.Refuse to be treated in a second rate manner my sister. Yes, do not allow yourself to be treated as a house girl. Ati you go visiting him, and you find a pile of clothes waiting for you, plates that haven’t been washed since your last visit, and a suitcase that needs to be arranged, surely…show me the ring on your finger already!

4.     Do not allow yourself to be treated as a means to an end. That he only calls you when he is horny, only calls you late at night when the whole world is asleep, and groans drunkenly on how much he has ‘missed you..’ or he only calls you when all his friends are away and he needs someone to fill in that void, to numb the silence or just use you when he wants to make other women jealous. You are a woman, you are not a toy!

 5.   In as much as there are people who meet through social networks and go ahead to live happily ever after, but lady, refuse to be the one who leads them on…so you have never met and all he can chat with you about how ‘ripe’ you look, how he would love to flip you and do BAD BAD stuff with you, and you are there Loling with him and enabling him to treat you no less than the way that dog treated those girls in Coasto (Giggles) I mean, come on, the fact that he is having internet sex with you already shows that he is a pervert of some sort that needs to be institutionalized, or caned in public.

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6.   Do not try slithering into his heart by liking his relatives and friends, hoping that when he sees how cute you are with those that are close to him, then he will fall heads over heels for you. Heeeey! Its not true…no matter how many clothes you buy for his sisters and how many rounds you order for his buddies, if he wants out, he will sneak out through any space available. And trust me, those relatives, those friends, they will jump ship as soon as a new woman gets in. moreover, no matter how much they pledge allegiance to you and swear to love you forever, there is just so little that they can do when the man puts an end to it

7.Do not think that by crowding him with love messages, asking him to account for where he is, calling all his friends and acting all insecure will make him be faithful to you…ma! You are in for a rude shock if you follow this path, because all that will be left of you is a chain of  insanities. Be sane! That should be the mantra of your relationship.

8. Avoid men with scanty focus. And by that I mean, stay away from men of a certain age who still stay with their parents. Those who are cloaking 30 and still wake up in their boxers and roam around their mother’s compounds, those who do not get ashamed of taking coins from their mamas to ‘support’ themselves. They that are too cowardly to step out of the comfort and go and start living and create a future out of the uncertainty that is out there. Avoid men who ask for money from you constantly. Do not have too much hope on a man who is always talking about that house that his daddy has, or the plots that his mommy has…REFUSE…until he shows you what he is capable of doing. *said while thumping foot on the ground.*

apron

9.   Never try changing for a man…do not change your life,  give yourself a complete make over just to fit into his description of perfection. You stop talking to friends who he thinks are not good, you stop attending the church that you have always attended because he doesn’t subscribe to it, you stop going to school because you want to spend more time with him, you stop talking to your parents, you stop listening to the music you used to and change to his genre…come on, that is not a relationship, that’s a jail.

10.   Never cheat yourself that he is just flirting with other women, but that you are the one. If he is flirting with other women, then it means he has gotten so comfortable, and is sure you aint going anywhere

11.      Never act desperate. Never. Never. Never. Never cry and tell him to take you back, you know…or taking his photo and blowing it up, hanging on your wall, even before the relationship has been established. Always making everything about him…only cooking his favorite meals and abandoning yourself. Sacrificing stuff just so that he can be happy…NO! That reeks of eau de desperation. And from what I know, when you do that, the man doesn’t love you more, he gets freaked out.

 

12.Never allow a man to hit you,  no matter how drunk he says he was. No matter how angry he says he was. No matter how many demons he says possessed him. a man who hits you doesn’t respect you…and will never stop hitting you. Woman, listen, RUN. Leave, NOW, before those demons possess him and he kills you.

hit

13.      Never ever be afraid to tell him to go to hell when he is being an ass. Never fail to tell him to get his shit together when he is messing up. Never fail to demand for you to be treated right

14.    Never try using sex to make him love you more. Tell you what, he will take it, do it and still not love you.

15.   Never think that moving in with him will stop him from cheating on you, if he wants to cheat, he will do it, whether you live together or not

16.      Never try having a baby to make him settle for you. That is to mistreat your own child.

17.    Never compare your relationship with another one. Every relationship is different, because every relationship is unique, and started from a different place….YO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Categories: I AM | 6 Comments

REAL MEN DONT CRY

I say, there are so many soap operas flooding our screens today, almost every tv station has one running, and as soon as it is over, before you let out a sigh of relief, it has been replaced by another.

I say, there is an increasing number of men watching these shows, men who rush home because they are ardent followers of a certain Mexican soap, men who know the story line, men who sit in front of the screens and follow every single twisted thing that happens in those predictable soaps, men who are not ashamed to discuss these soaps in offices, on social media, inside matatus….*Sigh*

There are men who are being ruined by these soaps, men who now believe that since diego wept while confessing his love for Paloma, it is totally okay for a man to cry over the smallest baseless things.

Waaaah!

soaps 1

I donno if I should blame it on the soaps or the glorification of metrosexualism that pushes men to be obsessed with being in touch with their feminine side (Whatever that is)
Lemmi blame it on the soaps and society for now, hehe…or even the devil…madimoni!

soaps

Hold on…before you sneer and think that I am old fashion.

This is my stand:

You should be mourning someone who is dead, or dying, or a bone should be poking out of your skin for you to cry openly. You better be having an emotional burden that is too heavy, you better be going through so much turbulence before you break down and well it all out.

If not. Then, eeem, here is the tissue dearest…

Let me tell you, years ago, at the end of a  relationship, the man I’d been tangled up with so briefly and  so shallowly started to cry when I told him it wasn’t working for me. Damn it, I was so young then, I didn’t even know how I wanted it to work for me, but one thing I was sure of was that I didn’t want it to work for me with this guy.

Mhhh….instead of those tears making me want to stay, they made me want to run so fast and never look back. Seeing his eyes redden and well up,  casting his teary look in my direction, sniffing and fluids overwhelming him; instead of it melting my heart, it made me wanna smile…I know, am distorted, but I have to admit that there was this form of sadistic pleasure that just watching him cry.

Man-Crying

 

Cry for a loved one who is dead. Its okay.

Cry for deep wrenching physical pain. Its okay.

Cry for the world’s changing tides. Its okay.

Cry because your favorite politician lost. Not okay.

Cry because you lost your wallet. Not okay.

Cry because your favorite actor on a soap has been shot and you are not sure if he will make it? INSANE.

I am a firm believer of men manning up and easing up on the tears. It is not cute for a man to openly cry over some issues that do not hold water (No pun), and no matter how much modernization is catching up with us, there is still need for those big boy pants.

Women still want that man who is able to hold it together, somehow, even when things are crashing, it is cuter that way, No?

Lemmi not go on, I might offend some people.

 

Categories: I AM | 1 Comment

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