When we first met at the Nairobi hospice, she was in her early stages of cancer….she was bubbly, she was a go getter….she was living. She was a superwoman. Not even the breast cancer that had ravaged her body could penetrate her boldness and desire to live. She had a beautiful mane of hair…
And then the monster that cancer is, it came and shriveled her… it came and twisted her whole body. It grasped her and held its fangs so strong on her such that strains of self doubt started creeping into. But damn it, she was strong, she put up a good fight….she really did. She faced the monster that cancer was and tackled it using all her breath, using all her energy, using all her will….
And when I visited her, as often as I could, I encouraged her to note down her feelings, I encouraged her to write what she was feeling. I told her to put down everything, when the cancer overwhelms her and she cant move, when the cancer threatens to steal her happiness, I told her to write about it.
I told her to write about the icky feeling she gets when she is from chemotherapy. I told her to write every tiny detail and immortalize everything in paper so that humanity, as blind as they can come can read through her every word and see the pain and myriad of emotions that a cancer patient goes through as they put up a fight to battle the monster that invades the body and leaves one sitting on the edge wondering if tomorrow will ever come…..
And then today, the veil lifted and darkness slipped in. Today, slightly after midnight, her body got tired of the fight and her heart let out….today she died.
Her daughter called me, her cries muffled, her voice shaking, her daughter who is home for school holiday, her 14 year old daughter called me and told me:
And I felt the skull on my head crack…..
Haiya! Just like that?
I cant feel at home in this world anymore….
I wanted to write a fitting eulogy for my friend, I wanted to write prose after prose, I wanted to write sentences that would merge into each other and make sense. I wanted to give her a send off that she deserves, I wanted to say so many beautiful things about my friend….
But today I am overwhelmed myself. Today, I sit and think about how much life is a doozy…of how cancer is a monster…of how thin the line between life and death is so narrow….
I think. I think. I think….and I go down….i go down to that place that I always go to when I cannot understand the ways of the Lord. I go down to my knees, and seek the scent of God….because when things get dark like they did today, I only have one place that I can go to…..
And I remember my friend, I remember her smile, her tears, her fears, her courage and all these emotions combined, of how she put up her fight and I think…..Jeeez, Seline was a FIGHTER….everyone who fights cancer is a WARRIOR….because it is damn painful….
Rest in peace my dear….
ROCKABLAST SWEET BABY….
For you, for me….we know it is written in blood.
Really, it is….
In your blood.
In my blood.
In the blood of the Divine.
We all know, that everything stops to matter…yeah, the only things that matter are the lessons that we carry with us, and more importantly, the lessons that we leave behind…..
Till we meet again.
but remember, only your body has been felled. NOT YOUR SOUL…