There was a time when all I could think was:
God, are you there, God, have you forsaken me, God, remove this cup from me….
Yes, that was the past…but not anymore.
There was a time when I pondered, lamented, wept, bled, gnashed my teeth, sat in silence. I did all apart from pray, because everything weighed so heavy. I couldn’t see anything through all the tears, I didn’t have the right prayer through all the pain and despair.
But not any more…now a prayer of thanks giving oozes from all over my body, from my pores, from my entire being. Because God restored me.
There was a time when I felt my tears drowning me. It felt easier to just cry and wallow in pain and uncertainty, I longed that the moments would merge into each other and I would just die. I longed for death, for the end of things, for the future kept tumbling, the road was rugged, the hopes were fading.
But not anymore…now I focus on life. I focus on living. On finding fun and laughter in everything.
There was a time when I woke up to the same reality. A new sense of darkness. A sorrow reborn. I didn’t think that I would live for long. I didn’t know what each day brought. I wasn’t sure of the anything.
But not anymore. No. these days I wake up to beautiful mornings. The sun gleams so differently upon my heart. I am sure of love, of the people who care for me deeply. And that is good enough for me.
I am a RESURRECTION
Truly, I feel I am.