I sat down today to pen about motherhood, because in my mind, I had this beautiful imagery, these beautiful metaphors that I wanted to weave together, to define what motherhood is. I wanted to get the words that can tell about motherhood and the feelings, the entirety of it all, and then I opened a word document, I sat down with my coffee fix, and you know what, I COULDN’T.
Because motherhood is this thing that cant be defined. I have been sitting here since about 4:30 pm, and I cant find the right way to write what motherhood is all about.
So, what is motherhood? Mother…the word itself sounds like a question, a tough question.
To me, motherhood is a calling to serve. Yes it is. It is dedication, giving your all, from the first time that the two stripes appear on that test kit, from the first time the doctor tells you: “Yes, you are pregnant…” form the first time you check the calendar and realized that “your aunty in a red Subaru” has missed…that is when it all begins. The nausea, rising over and over…the pressed bladder, the dizziness, the preparation to motherhood…
And the first time the little one cries. That is what motherhood is ~ embracing a tiny lump of creation, and wondering what to do with it. Motherhood is about learning, it is an eternal school. It is to love so unconditionally, that your children become a part of you, a big part. It is more than a transfer of genes, it is SACRIFICE.
Motherhood is hard work. It is sitting the whole night with a wailing child and still loving it. It is paranoia, it is the ability to recognize the cry of your baby amidst several other cries and sounds. It is wiping poop and going back to eating, it is love suicidal, it is beauty. Motherhood is emptying the contents of your plate to that of your little one. It is giving the baby your phone to play with, it is sighing when you find the phone soaked in her saliva, it is small constant deaths whenever the baby grows, the first tooth, the first smile, the first word. Motherhood is ETERNAL.
Motherhood is walking on a messy maze. It is not knowing what tomorrow holds, it is trying everyday to do things right. It is a responsibility, that you have been given, to nurture. Motherhood is failure. It is looking at the eyes of the teacher who takes care of your son and being told that your son is a bully, that your child said a bad word to another, that your angel is failing, that she was last in her class. But motherhood is taking these failures and using them to shape up the future of the child. Motherhood is a PROFESSION.
Motherhood is change. It is telling your friends goodbye in the middle of a feisty story, and having to rush home to be with your kids. Motherhood is choosing your children over hedonism that once mattered too much to you. It is a transformation. A change. A resurrection. Motherhood is bliss. It is laughing out loud when your child says a word so funny because she is learning to speak. Motherhood is melting and turning to a stranger seated next to you when your kid is performing a childish song on stahge and saying: “That’s my child…” . It is INSANITY
Motherhood is a bond. It is joining different facebook groups to see what you can learn about motherhood. It is chatting with someone you have never met to talk about your beautiful one. It is a people gathering to pray and collect money for a mother who is in a coma in hospital. It is meeting strangers in a hospital lobby and talking ad nauseam about your little ones. It is an immediate attraction. It is playing with someone’s child and making him laugh because he reminds you of your own. Motherhood is a MAGNET.
Motherhood is a series of forgiveness. It is the smiling and clicking when the little one sprinkles food by spitting on your face when feeding her. It is finding her slithered in your expensive lotion, looking like an ape, and wiping her without hitting. It is LETTING GO
Motherhood is a reality check. It is knowing a part of you that you didn’t know existed. It is a revelation of your inner strength. That you can push, sit down through the pain, and nurse the little one that brought this pain. It is the ability to carry your child on your back the whole day without bending down on the pain and weight. It is nursing emotional wounds and still standing strong for the sake of your child. It is stopping yourself from crying when they wave goodbye on their first day of school. It is just REINCARNATION.
Motherhood is pain. Just unpredictable pains that come with it. It is going through CS and not coming out of it. It is going through labor and losing your eye sight. It is holding your hair and clenching your teeth. It is torn flesh and blood. It is tears. It is shaking heads. It is losing your unborn. It is blood flowing. Sometimes, motherhood is DEATH.
Motherhood is the recognition of those tiny steps as they follow you needing your attention. It is being grabbed by tiny soft hands, and being hugged. Motherhood is yelling a nursery rhyme, memorizing it and singing along. Motherhood is watching kiddy rhymes, cartoons, and stupid story lines. Motherhood is snapping photos of the little one to immortalize every little change. Motherhood is hugging the man who made you a mother and telling him he and God created a very beautiful thing. It is looking at the eyes of your little one and seeing a part of you hidden inside it. Motherhood is watching your little one sleeping and feeling your heart being tugged. Motherhood is UNDESCRIBABLE.
Hoooooooray to all the mothers of this world. You have done a good job. And a special HOOOORAY to my own mama…in whom, I have seen a Saint.
Just every beautiful thing that has happened in my life….my mama is it!
Every good thing that has happened, every good thing that I hope I will be, I see streaks on my mama in it.